Mouse's Five Minute Safety Speech

We believe this is good information to share. So feel free to steal it, copy it, tweak it for your own needs, and use it anywhere you want. No need to give us credit. We just want to serve the community.

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=== 1 ===  Don't Touch!!! 

The kink world is NOT a free-for-all.

It is NOT a guessing game where you try to guess what the other person really meant.

-Permission to sit next to a person is not permission to touch them.
-Permission to touch them is not permission to touch their boobs or genitals.
-Permission to touch is not permission to lick or suck.

Biting, scratching, tickling, licking, sticking fingers in holes - all of these are things that you should talk about with the person before you do it.

Don’t touch other people’s stuff without permission

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=== 2 === No means No 

I don't recommend doing Safewords in the beginning.

A safeword is a code for “No” or “Stop”

== Safewords are used in a specific type of play that we call Consensual Non-Consent.
======= CNC for short.

Don’t do CNC with new play partners.

== Safewords are for when you want to pretend and fight and say “NO!” “Stop!”
======= (But you don’t really want them to stop…)

== Lots of people use the traffic light system of red, yellow and green as their safewords.
======= It sounds straightforward, but even that can mean different things to different people.

Just let No mean No and keep it simple.

We generally don’t do that type of play at our events, with the Chain Reaction Lab.
You need special permission to do CNC so we know what is happening.

If someone says No,
======= then the play needs to STOP!

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=== 3 === What Should Be and What Is 

BDSM should be all about consent, but there are a few people in our community who won’t respect that, and we don’t know who they are.

This stuff we do is not safe. You need to be careful.

============ Boundaries WILL be crossed.
============ Misunderstandings WILL happen.

There is no such thing as a truly "safe place" or “safe person”.

== We do what we can to make it as safe as possible.
======= But you need to be aware that you can get hurt - physically and emotionally.

== Both tops and bottoms can be unsafe to play with.
======= Trust your gut.
You need to be on high alert - the same as you would be at a bar or a music festival.

== Not everything has to be sexual. If someone is pressuring you to add sex into your play and you don’t want it - - - that’s not healthy!
======= you should question that.

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=== 4 === Be Clear With Expectations 

You need to be clear in your words.

Don't say "I'm okay with anything."
======= I can guarantee you that you are NOT.
======= What if they want to shit in your mouth or cut off your arm?
======= Still okay with anything?

When negotiating a scene with a new partner - I recommend using opt-in consent.
======= Make a list of exactly what IS allowed.
======= And then just do those things.

== You can also talk about what is not allowed, but this way you can prevent a situation where you are in the middle of playing and the top decides that it’s OK to put their finger in your vagina
======= “I mean, sure, I know you said “no sex” before we started but this isn’t sex,
============== it’s just a finger so it doesn’t count!
===================== Right?”

======= Now the bottom is freaking out because “we didn’t negotiate this!!!”
======= And the top is confused because “What’s the problem? You didn’t say I couldn’t! I didn’t break the rules!!!”

It helps to keep the boundary closer to home than it needs to be. Instead of trying eight new things all in one scene, just try 1 or 2 at a time.

It’s easy to get into a “newbie frenzy” - take it slow.

== Do not renegotiate to add things in after you’ve already started playing.
======= You can’t change the rules halfway through the game. It’s not cool.

-It’s better to leave the play session with both you and your partner wanting more.
-It’s not so great to leave the play session feeling like it was an awful experience because it was too much too fast.

You ARE allowed to change your mind and withdraw consent at anytime.

If anyone wants to stop, the play should stop. Tops or bottoms.

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=== 5 === Other Guidelines 

If you don’t know what aftercare is - you need to learn about it. It’s important.

Don’t out people.
Don’t say their real names, first or last
Don’t say where they work or where they live.
======= Lots of people prefer to keep those things private.

== When someone gives you feedback, the correct response is
======= “thank you”
== When someone says that you violated their consent, the correct response is
======= “thank you for telling me. I’m sorry! Is there anything I can do to make it right?”

Please Do Ask Questions